Every once in a while I’ll be in a store and a product will catch my eye. I’ll stop and stare, wondering if what I’m seeing is real- or some sort of cruel joke by the manufacturer. I always imagine some company underling joking with his buddy over a few too many adult beverages about a new product their company should create. But, then, somehow that idea gets presented and approved! Check out the following products and comment below if you think they’re either good ideas, or signs of an imminent apocalypse.
1. Aloe Vera Drink
This was the brain child of all those people who, after rubbing aloe vera all over their burnt body on a hot day, thought, “mmm, wouldn’t it be good to drink that”?
This is for all those people who are allergic to peanuts and peanut butter, but still want to eat something that resembles the thing that could easily cause their death. I get making a different kind of “butter” from other kinds of nuts, but why not just call it “Soybutter”. If it’s really that good, then it shouldn’t need to pretend to be something else. Have some self-respect Soy!
3. Sizzling’ Bacon Sunflower Seeds
This product was created for all the people out there who want to eat bacon, but are in the middle of a baseball game. I totally get that bacon makes everything better, but I’m not sure about bacon-flavored sunflower seeds. Maybe this is for husbands trying to convince their wives they’re making healthy choices by eating less actual bacon and more bacon-flavored sunflower seeds. Baby steps.
4. Root Beer and Orange Flavored Pop-Tarts
When did you finally realize that Pop-Tarts were not a part of a healthy breakfast? I believe is was right around the time they began selling soda-inspired flavors. No one can argue that Root Beer in the form of a sugary filling is a healthy choice for breakfast- or really any part of a person’s day. It’s like the company finally gave up and said, “Fine, we’re selling things that are really bad for you- are you happy?”
5. Coffee-flavored Instant Oatmeal
If only I could count the times I’ve been eating oatmeal and thought, “Man, if only this tasted like my favorite coffee drink!” If I think back, I’ve probably said that about…mmm…never times! Maybe some lazy guy at the oatmeal company spilled some coffee in his oatmeal one day, but instead of cleaning it up he shrugged his shoulders and kept eating. The idea somehow spread through the oatmeal company like wildfire and soon everyone was pouring their morning coffee into their oatmeal to save time in the morning. And thus, a terrible idea was born.
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