Chatting with AT&T
Many companies have begun to use a chat option to connect with customers. I would hypothesize that this enables companies to utilize workers from all over the world without worrying about dialect complications. The other night I was chatting with our internet provider for what felt like the 20th time. I don't know what happened, but I decided to add a little levity- for my own sake. I'm not sure my new friend Mike picked up what I was laying down. It started with a bad dad joke. Mike seemed thankful for the opportunity to sit. It seems that not ...
MEMO: Use of Disguises Prohibited
It has come to our attention that some employees have recently begun to wear disguises within the company. Although at this point, we are unsure the exact purpose of the disguises, we are sure that they are unhelpful to the morale of the company. As, some employees have complained and find the disguises "unsettling", we felt it necessary to take action and prohibit all disguises within the company. We also have reason to believe that disguises could be used to procure extra benefit during the distribution of dinner desserts and the distribution of weekly earned monies. Therefore, please take note ...
Sugar Cereal and Lost Hope for Humanity
Sugar Cereal and Lost Hope for Humanity Cereal Declares Freedom Cereal is tired of pretending to be a healthy part of a balanced diet. For years it has been shackled by the confines of a society demanding it profess health. And so cereal has played along, professing a myriad of grains in every bite, while watching danishes and doughnuts dance around displaying full sugary delight. But, no more. Cereal knows people want sugar. They know people want cookies for breakfast, but live in a society where pairing a package of Oreos with morning coffee is frowned upon. But, the time for ...
Exercise Room Closed Due to Wall Hole at Thorne Inc.
A mysterious wall hole has temporarily impeded exercise at Thorne Inc. Management is currently taking steps to rectify this situation. A recent memo from management addressed mysterious hole situation directly. The Butt-shaped Hole Signs had to be put in place during repairs Signs to keep employees off exercise equipment during repairs Thorne Inc. would like thank employees in advance for their cooperation during repairs and ask in the future they keep their butt under control during all exercise.
The Easter Candy Contract
It's been a good year for employees at Thorne Inc. This Easter employees enjoyed a sizable "Easter bonus". Two Thorne Inc. employees decided they wanted to pool all their candy into one large pile, in order to better benefit from their bounty. Management did not think this was a very good idea. The potential threat of future employee conflict was too great. Soon sides were taken and a peaceful resolution seemed all but impossible. But, then something happened. All parties began etching out the framework of what would soon become known as, "The Easter Candy Contract". The paper went through ...
5 Good Ideas or Signs of the End Times
Every once in a while I'll be in a store and a product will catch my eye. I'll stop and stare, wondering if what I'm seeing is real- or some sort of cruel joke by the manufacturer. I always imagine some company underling joking with his buddy over a few too many adult beverages about a new product their company should create. But, then, somehow that idea gets presented and approved! Check out the following products and comment below if you think they're either good ideas, or signs of an imminent apocalypse. 1. Aloe Vera Drink This was the brain ...
Finally! Deep-Fried Twinkies at Walmart
If you consider yourself a person who enjoys eating desserts, but also have a considerable fear of living too long, Walmart now has the treat for you. Deep Fried Twinkies. Hostess has taken their famous dessert with enough preservatives in it to survive a nuclear apocalypse, while being passed down to your grandchildren and still be considered "fresh" and "edible". And with this marvel of the snack world, delicately holding together all that is and isn't "food", they decided to fry it, and then sell it to the general public in the frozen food section of Walmart. If you've been wondering if you've ...
Gap’s Weird Fall Lineup
As my kids and I shopped at the Gap for my wife's birthday, we couldn't help be notice their strangely themed fall clothing lineup. We decided their new clothing line was TV themed. First up, we have the wizard's robe For the female wizard tired of the same-old black or blue robe, consider the Gap's new robe for the fall. It's a full robe, made of sweater material. Why may you ask is the Gap now selling full robes? It's possible they're looking to expand their market to the untapped wizarding community. Next, the Ghostbuster Coat If, in your spare ...
DAD: HUMOR
On vacation this past week we decided to visit the Michigan sand dunes. I should never have suggested my kids and I walk up the dunes. They promptly ran up the dunes, leaving me to crawl my way up, wondering if I would die with every step. My three year old encouraged me with an occasional, "Go horsey," and "Yee-ha!"
Finally! Grass-Fed Mac-N-Cheese
Thank You Whole Foods! Finally! A Grass-Fed Mac-N-Cheese For years I've been concerned about treatment and harvesting practices of my mac-n-cheese. The very thought that my mac-n-cheese is raised in a small cage- never to see the light of day sometimes keeps me up at night. I have nightmares about the terrible things my mac-n-cheese are being fed- probably even parts of old mac-n-cheese. It's barbaric! It's inhumane! I'm so thankful that one company had the moral fortitude to take a stand against these atrocious practices. Thank you Whole Foods for making a difference! I'll finally sleep well tonight, knowing ...