Similar to all companies, Thorne Inc. is continuing to pivot during the quarantine. It has come to our attention that a new bedtime may be necessary to ensure the health, safety, and sanity of every Thorne Inc. employee. Therefore, we sent out the following memo.
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TEXT OF THE MEMO
|Date:||March 30, 2016|
|Re:||PROPOSED CHANGE IN BED “TIME”|
Due to recent employee unrest during the workday, and in order to ensure employee safety, a new bedtime committee will be investigating alternate bedtime solutions. Presently two main solutions are proposed.
Proposition 1: It’s 8:30 Somewhere
Framed after Jimmy Buffet’s song, “It’s 5 o’clock somewhere”- which famously encourages alcohol consumption anytime during the day, Thorne Inc. will consider enacting a similar bedtime policy, “It’s 8:30 somewhere”. This policy will give CEO’s the ability to begin bedtime whenever necessary during the evening, day, or morning.
Proposition 2: Four Fits and Time for Bed
As “fits” are detrimental to an effective company, this proposed policy will allow a certain number of “fits” (meltdowns, fights, sulking, attitude) before determining it is time for bed. Time of day/night will not be a determining factor in the application of this proposition. Number of fits is negotiable.
Both propositions are for the safety of all employees. In conjunction, CEO’s might also enact Jimmy Buffet’s, “It’s 5 o’clock somewhere” policy for their own benefit and the safety of the company.