Stuff My Kids Say
Kids are a lot like salt. Salt can take almost any boring food and make it taste better and more interesting. When you have kids your day is never boring. Exhausting? Yes. But never boring. Over the last few weeks I’ve been keeping track of some of the weird things my kids say and I thought I’d share.
Caleb- Age 7
Logan- Age 5
Micah- Age 2
Dad- Hard to say
The Weird Things We Say:
1. Dad: “Micah, please take the fork out of your eye.”
2. Dad: “Logan, please don’t lick the scissors.”
3. Dad: “Micah, the pencil eraser is not food!”
4. Dad to Wife: “Jess, did you give Micah any food?”
Dad:“Then, what is Micah chewing on?” (This happens a lot)
5. Commonly heard in our household:
“[Child’s name] where are your pants?”
The Questions Kids ask:
6. Logan: “Dad, guess what I put in my pants.”
Dad: “Logan, I can’t even guess.”
Logan: “A helicopter.”
7. Logan: “Dad, can I go to space?”
Dad: “Yes, thank you for asking.”
8. After watching a Veggie Tales show:
Logan: “Dad, in real life are there bad guys who beat people with fishes until they die?”
Dad: “I hope not Logan.”
9. Caleb: “Dad, when I get a haircut, can I get a mohog?” (mohawk)
Life With Kids:
10. At dinner recently, I was waiting to see if Logan would pick me to go next to share my high/low of the day. Caleb kept telling me to, ‘Get my hopes down!’, because Logan wasn’t going to pick me. He said he didn’t want me to get my hopes up, so he told me to get them down.
11. Logan: “Dad, I don’t really believe that Lightening McCqueen from Cars is real because in real life Cars don’t have eyes and they don’t talk. And spaceships don’t have eyes and they don’t talk.”
Dad: “Good observation Logan.”
12. In asking Caleb how he developed a blister on his hand:
Caleb: “I got it from swinging on the monkey bars in our house.”
Dad: “But, we don’t have monkey bars?”
Caleb: “Well, I was swinging on my bed. I do that all the time while I talk to myself.”
13. Nursery Rhyme from a first grader (Caleb):
First is the worst
Second is the best
Third is the one with a hairy chest
Fourth is the one with a treasure chest
(I’m not sure I know what this means or follow their logic on that one.)
14. On our way home, after discussing that some people eat deer:
Dad: Boys, what animal does bacon and ham come from?
Dad: Seriously? No.
Caleb: A butt? (laughter)
Dad: No….well, actually kind of. But, who’s butt? (It went downhill from here. We eventually got to pig.)
15. Logan: “I would like a pet, but not an alligator or a dog. Just something we could have. Maybe like a goldfish.”
16. Logan: “Dad, remember when we went to the basketball game and saw those guys with the police wearing handmuffs?”
17. Dad: “Micah, would could you pray for dinner tonight?
Micah (age 2): “Oh, sure.”
Family: Laughs. I guess that about sums it up.
18. Deep thoughts from Caleb: “Dad, in Batman, why are the bad guys always trying to steal money, when all they have to do is steal what they want from the store”?
19. As we walked into Toys R Us Caleb says, “I’m going to buy one more thing and then save for college.” Then he looks to Logan and says, “But don’t worry Logan you don’t have to worry about that yet.” Logan asks when he would and Caleb replies, “When you’re 6.” What?
20. As we ate pork chops for dinner
Caleb: Logan, do you know what animal this comes from?
Logan: I don’t know.
Caleb: A pig!
Dad: Caleb, how do you know that?
Caleb: Easy, because it’s chicken.
21. As Jess and I discussed losing weight
Logan: “Dad, I know how you can lose 20 lbs.”
Dad: “How, Logan?”
Logan: “The lady on the radio, she said all you have to do is call her friend and she’ll help you.”
(Who says advertising doesn’t work)
When your two year old comes to you without pants or a diaper, while wearing cowboy boots and asks, “Shirt off!”, You A.)Tell him to put on pants B.)Take off his shirt C)None of the above.